Shari Della Penna
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"Small acts of kindness can change and humanise our world."
   Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks 1948-2020
   ​Chief Rabbi of Great Britain, 1991-2020
                         Author, Advocate, Advisor

The Art of the Compromise

1/29/2019

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    “I know you don’t like me,” I say. “But you don’t have to. This is business.” I try to sound like one of the residents.
    “Too busy,” he repeats. But I hear the tiniest break between the two words. He is listening to me.
    “Never mind,” I say. I take one step back from the table.
    “Hold on,” he says. “I happen to want something from the outside. I’ll take it as payment if you can get it.”
                           from All Rise for the Honorable Perry T. Cook
                                                      written by Leslie Connor
                                   Kathrine Tegen Books/HarperCollins, 2016

    “What do you want?” was a question put to me many years ago. “What do you mean?” was my pathetic answer. I really didn’t understand the question. I have since learned that it is not only okay to want (non-material and material) stuff, it is totally necessary to know my “wants” in order to create a definition of my Self. Only then can I turn my wants and needs into actionable goals. I can prioritize my lists accordingly.
    Making decisions based solely on what I want, though, is usually self-serving. And deciding on something solely to please others is usually self-defeating. 
    Seems like everyone is born somewhere on the stiffer/caver spectrum. Some people are stiff: stubborn, unyielding. Some people cave in to the wishes of others without a second thought. Neither extreme is particularly useful to individuals or societies.
    We, as individuals and as a society, need a middle ground. We need to consider others without losing ourselves. We need to learn to compromise.
    A compromise is a situation in which people accept something slightly different from what they really want, because they are considering the wishes of other people [to achieve a greater good.] www.collinsdictionary.com (bracketed words are mine)
    Compromise is art. It is recognizing that even though an observation may have been made correctly, sometimes “right” is not “good.” And most of the time several definitions of “right” exist side by side, anyway. 
    Our very definition of compromise is giving up something to get something better. Instead of adversaries grasping a perceived “rightness,” compromisers become partners for the greater good.
    And the question remains: How to consider the needs of others without being consumed by their otherness.
    And how on earth can our leaders make a compromise that keeps us safe without incurring the wrath of one group or another? A wrath born of fear and hatred and fomented to a frenzy with lies, but a wrath nonetheless. 
    And of course a particular wall is on my mind. Who really wants that wall? Is is merely a “want” or is it a true “need”?    
    In “Mending Wall” Robert Frost’s narrator declares:
        Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
        If I could put a notion in [my neighbor’s] head:
        "Why do [walls] make good neighbours? Isn't it
        Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.
        Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
        What I was walling in or walling out,
        And to whom I was like to give offence. (sic)
    So do cows mean “danger”? Because they are “other”? Because they will eat my grass and  stomp all over my fields?
    According to Frost’s narrator, building walls is 
        Oh, just another kind of out-door game,
        One on a side. It comes to little more:
        There where it is we do not need the wall:
        He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
        My apple trees will never get across
        And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
        He only says, "Good fences make good neighbours.”
    Certainly, the United States is a sovereign nation whose borders must be protected from criminals and those who do harm one way or another. Our government has the obligation to keep us safe. But not all pines are prickly and not all apples are wholesome.
    There are many ways to accomplish this safety. We have all heard what they are. 
    Before we allow our leader to take drastic steps to make his dream come true, we need to encourage him to build a bridge to compromise. I fear this will be a very long process, if it will even happen at all. 
    There is no shame in admitting a mistake and correcting it. The shame comes in declaring that no mistake, misjudgment, manipulation of facts was made in the first place. 
    Back to Robert Frost.
        [My neighbor] moves in darkness as it seems to me,
        Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
        He will not go behind his father's saying,
        And he likes having thought of it so well
        He says again, "Good fences make good neighbours.”
    I tend to agree with Frost's narrator who says, “Something there is that doesn’t love a wall.”
                                          -—stay curious! (and compassionate)


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Why I Read

1/22/2019

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What do you have there?
    It’s a book.
How do you scroll down?
    I don’t.
    I turn the page. 
    It’s a book.
Do you blog with it?
    No, it’s a book.
Where’s your mouse?
             .    .    . 
Does it need a password?
    No.
Need a screen name?
    No. It’s a book.
                                                              from It’s a Book
                                       written and illustrated by Lane Smith
                                                          Roaring Brook, 2010

    In the last couple of weeks, on two different occasions, I’ve been encouraged to “find my why,” an exercise in digging deep to discover motivation. I’ve learned that when the universe speaks, it’s a really good idea to listen.
    Heres’ why I like to read:
        research (to learn more about a subject I’m particularly
            interested in)

        information (to see if I’m right about something, or to discover
            interesting facts)

        pleasure (the best reads help me imagine a situation I probably
            never would find 
myself in, but help me imagine myself there
            anyway)

        to study how authors develop characters (what are the
            characters’ “whys”?)

        to study how authors move the plot from beginning to end (why
            is a scene 
exciting—or not?)
        to study how authors use setting and emotion
        to have something in common with my kids (even if we don’t talk
            about the book, 
but we usually do)
        to have a frame of reference for my book club discussions (I
            like being 
able to share why I liked or didn’t like a book)
        to feel part of society (especially with those best sellers!)
    The American Library Association will announce the winners of the Caldecott and Newbery awards (and all the others) next Monday at the Midwinter Conference. You can follow 2019 results in real-time via live webcast [http://ala.unikron.com/] or follow hashtag #alayma at 8:00 am, but account for the time difference, if necessary. They are meeting this year in Seattle.
    I usually make a prediction, but usually keep it to myself. Sometimes I’m right. This year I’ll tell. 
    I’m hoping for a Caldecott win for Square illustrated by Jon Klassen and written by Mac Barnett. The Barnett/Klassen team seems to be getting more subtle (if that’s even possible) and more thought provoking, too. This time out, Square is going about his business when Circle “floated by.” She names Square’s stack of blocks “sculpture” and commissions him to do one of her. After working through a rainy night, Square is distraught at his perceived failure. But Circle is ecstatic at his creation. She sees her perfect self reflected in a circular pond accidentally arranged by Square. Circle calls him a genius. The open ending leaves Square (and the reader and listener) with his (their) own perfect opportunity for self-reflection. Barnett/Klassen genius, I say.
    My wish for the Newbery goes to Leslie Connor and her book that I quoted from a couple of weeks ago, The Truth as Told by Mason Buttle. Mason is an extremely likable character with a host of physical and developmental challenges. He’s the kind of kid bullies love to pick on. The police are on his tail, too, because Mason’s best friend was found dead at the base of his treehouse. When Mason’s new friend goes missing, Mason finds friendship and understanding in the most unlikely places. An unlikely hero if there ever was one, but a real hero, nonetheless.
    Those are my picks. Now we wait for the committee to finish their work. 
    
    I finished The Clockmaker’s Daughter (Kate Morton) Like Barbara Kingsolver’s Unsheltered, The Clockmaker’s Daughter unfolds in several different time periods, a house serving as the bridge connecting all the characters. It worked really well. Morton wove a large cast of characters loosely at first. As the story progressed, the weave got tighter, until the end where we could see the big picture. Part historical, part mystery, part character study. Highly recommend!
    I’m currently reading an older title by Leslie Connor, All Rise for the Honorable Perry T. Cook (2016).     
                                               -—stay curious (and informed)    
    
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t’s a Super, Blood, Wolf Moon

1/15/2019

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It was Kitten’s first full moon.
When she saw it, she thought,
There’s a little bowl of milk in the sky.
And she wanted it.
So she chased it--
Down the sidewalk,
    through the garden,
        past the field,
            and by the pond.
But Kitten never seemed to get closer.
Poor Kitten!
                                                from Kitten’s First Full Moon
                                     written and illustrated by Kevin Henkes
                                             HarperCollins/Greenwillow, 2004
                                                      Caldecott Award Winner

    Total Lunar eclipses are not that rare. They’re visible from a particular place on Earth every year or two. I haven’t seen one yet. It’s hard for me to stay up late enough.
    Maybe this Sunday night (January 20) will be the night. I’ll set my alarm clock in case I accidentally fall asleep. The eclipse will begin at 10:33 p.m. Totality starts at 11:41 and will last until 12:43. The last partial phase will last until 1:50 a.m. on Monday morning. I probably won’t stay up for that! (Those times work in the Eastern United States. If you will be somewhere else, check here: https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/ and type in your location.)
    This will be a super moon. Its orbit will bring it closest to Earth making it appear very large.     
    It will also be a blood moon. It will appear reddish as the Earth’s shadow comes between the sun and the full moon.
    And it will be a wolf moon, the first full moon in January. (Each month has its own full-moon name. https://www.farmersalmanac.com/full-moon-names 
    Lunar lore and lunar legends abound from the scary (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is probably the most famous) to the sublime (Cerridwen is the Celtic keeper of the Cauldron of Knowledge and Inspiration). 
    A lunar calendar is the timekeeping method of choice for many traditions including Judaism and some Asian cultures. 
    The twelve months in the Jewish calendar are 29 or 30 days long. They each begin at the new moon. To correct to the 365/366 solar calendar, so holidays come at the right time of the year, an extra month is added according to a complicated formula. That’s why holidays are sometimes early or late. (Easter follows the lunar cycle.)
    Chinese New Year will be ushered in on February 5th this year, the Year of the Pig. Henry Ford, Ronald Reagan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Hilary Clinton are (were) all Pigs. 
    According to https://www.chinahighlights.com/travelguide/chinese-zodiac/pig.htm, Pigs are diligent, compassionate, and generous. They are goal-setters and goal keepers. They have a great sense of responsibility to finish what they are engaged in.
    You can find your Chinese Zodiac sign by looking at the graphic on the placemat at your favorite Chinese restaurant. According to that, my husband (Dog) and I (Dragon) are not particularly compatible. We sometimes bring out the worst in each other. But after over 34 years, that’s bound to happen! Sometimes.
    Now the problem is what to do for the hour of totality Sunday night/Monday morning. Thoughtful introspection comes to mind, but I’ll be tired and I’m a little realistic. I’ll start out thinking about the Cauldron of Knowledge and Inspiration. And see how long it takes before all that thinking and watching leads me back to bed.
                                                  -—stay curious! (and rested)

    I’m almost finished with The Clock Maker’s Daughter by Kate Morton. It is part historical fiction, part mystery, and part ghost story. I like it a lot, but it’s slow going for me. More next week.  
    
    
    
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Bully, Bully

1/8/2019

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 . . . Calvin is quiet. I ask him why. He says he is thinking.
About Matt Drinker.
    I say, “And Lance too? After what he did? Knocking
away the charcoal can?”
    Calvin says, “No, not so much that. I can defend myself.
I have a voice. But what Matt Drinker did to his dog, that’s
different. It is disturbing.”
    Tell you what. Disturbing is a word that goes way inside.
Close to my bones.
                                  from The Truth as  Told by Mason Buttle
                                                              
by  Leslie Connor 
                     Katherine Tegen Books/ HarperCollinsPublishers, 2018

    I had a bike when I was young, like most of the kids in the neighborhood. It was not new, and I spent several hours de-rusting the chrome handlebars. I painted the fenders bright yellow. My mom helped me cover the seat with red and yellow flowered contact paper. Streamers flowed from the handlebars. It was a Cadillac.  
    I liked to ride my bicycle around the neighborhood. I rode to the swimming pool, the school playground, and sometimes I did errands for my mom. We had a Lawson’s nearby. Most of the time I walked there, but sometimes I rode. I had a basket. I never rode home with milk, though. It came in glass jugs.
    A young bully lived around the corner from me. We were the same age, but he was small with a big mouth. Maybe he liked picking on the other kids or maybe it was just something he did. His name was Sammy. Maybe he got nicer when he grew up. I kinda doubt it, though.
    On a beautiful summer day, I was riding around my block. My street ran a little down hill. If I rode from the top of my street toward my house, I could go pretty fast. I had just made the turn when Sammy came plowing out from the other direction. And wham. He crashed into me and I went down. My head cracked against a tree before I hit the sidewalk. 
    Of course I cried. I was eight.  
    Of course he mocked me for falling and crying. He was a bully. 
    Not only did I get a bloody knee, I chipped my front tooth when my head hit the tree.
    To say my folks were upset is like saying Hurricane Irma was a shower. I’m not sure I have a word for how they were. Angry doesn’t get close. My dad was still at work, but the second he got home, my mom and dad marched me over to Sammy’s house. Let’s just say I did not want to go. At. All.
    They rang the doorbell and a barrel-shaped man answered. He was wearing a sleeveless undershirt and long pants. He was holding his belt. His apron-clad wife was stirring something at the stove. 
    And there was Sammy. Under the kitchen table. Crying. Oh my. I never saw such a thing.
    My irate dad yelled something unflattering about the way Sammy was being raised. My mom sized up the situation in a heartbeat and asked Sammy’s parents to pay the dentist bill, which I’m pretty sure they did.
    The dentist reassured my parents and me. I did not lose my tooth.
    And I learned something that day.
    Even bullies cry. 
    And I’m pretty sure bullies don’t like themselves. How can they?
    A couple of things motivate a bully. It is a heady experience for a bully when he (she) can boss people around and knock them down. Even, maybe especially, if the people getting bossed are vulnerable and weak. 
    Also, it’s hard for a bully to admit he (she) has done something wrong, or made a mistake, or used poor judgement. 
    Bullies need henchmen, too. Bullies surround themselves with people who can be cowed. 
    Is it really easier to dig in and shout louder and louder, “It’s not my fault”? or make up lies about 3,000 plus bad, scary, dangerous people trying to attack us? So we need a wall?
    Telling the truth is hard, sometimes. Being kind doesn’t have to be.
    What people need, vulnerable and otherwise, is to be protected from bullies.
​    I’m kinda done being afraid. At least about that.

                                               Stay curious! (and courageous)

BTW: I really liked Night of Miracles by Elizabeth Berg. I’m glad she gave us some more time with Lucille. I also enjoyed meeting the new arrivals to her town, Mason MO. The Story of Arthur Truluv was my favorite of the two, but Ms. Berg is a genius at showing us the importance of friendships and how even a small, kind act can change someone’s world.

I’m reading The Clockmaker’s Daughter by Kate Morton. I’m about halfway through and recommend it, so far!




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FOCUS: My 2019 Word of the Year

1/1/2019

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“I can hold up the cup
And the milk and the cake!
I can hold up these books!
And the fish on a rake!
I can hold the toy ship
And a little toy man! 
And look! With my tail
I can hold a red fan!
I can fan with the fan
As I hop on the ball!
But that is not all.
Oh, no. That is not all. . . .”
                                                      from The Cat in the Hat
                                         written and illustrated by Dr. Seuss
                                                           Random House, 1957

    I used to think multi-tasking was the way to go. I tried to be like the Cat, holding onto many diverse objects and many diverse ideas until, like the Cat, it all came crashing down. And we have to assume that the Cat felt focused. After all, look how much he was doing!
    Then I read about how multi-tasking is just wishful thinking and that new brain research proves no one can do more than one thing at a time, and do them all well. What our brains really do is switch tasks, nanosecond by nanosecond. We hardly notice our production of tasks is actually slowed down. Some say up to 40%!
    According to VeryWellMind.com and other articles, (I Googled “multitasking”) what we are really doing is shifting our attention, our focus, from one task to the next and the next and then maybe back again. This nano-second switching makes it difficult to tune out distractions and causes us to lose focus. It can even cause mental blocks that slow us down and cause mistakes. 
    Generally, our brains can handle two automatic jobs at a time, like walking and chewing gum. But a third element can create a disaster. Here’s my example. I used a flip-phone for a really long time. The day after I bought my first smart phone, I ran into an old friend at the library. We chatted, and chatted, and . . . well, time got away from me. I glanced at my watch (yes, I wear a watch and do not depend on my phone to tell me the time) and noticed it was 10:00. I was supposed to be at a meeting at 10:00, and I was still at the library without my car. I walked there, but needed to drive to my meeting.
    On the way home, I remembered that I could text with my new phone. (I could also text with my flip-phone, but it was cumbersome to tap each number enough times to get to each correct letter to spell out words.) So I turned on my phone as I was coming out of a curve, crossing a not-busy road on my way home. I may have also been chewing gum. I know I didn’t trip, but I think looking out for cars and then looking down into my new phone, made me a little dizzy. I had planned to text one of the others to say I’d be late. 
    I lost my balance.
    I went down.    
    So. There I was with a scraped knee, scraped elbow, broken (completely, I found out later) one-day-old phone and wounded pride. But I laughed. After all, even I could see, it *was* pretty funny!
    And I got to my meeting. And I was only 45 minutes late. 
    I admit it may not have been my epic failure at multitasking that made me late to my meeting and broke my phone and scraped my appendages. I had lost track of time, which made me want to hurry. I admit that. 
    But here’s the thing. I had lost my focus. I don’t like to admit how often that happens. It takes a massive amount of concentration sometimes, for me to stay on task. I tend to move from one thing to another, often. Sometimes it takes two days to fold laundry or empty the dishwasher. Not because the job is so big, but because a phone call distracts me or I notice it is time to make dinner or I remember I need to mail a letter. I forget about the task I had started until, well, until I remember.
    So this year’s word of the year is FOCUS. It will involve some degree of planning, since I’m not very practiced at that. It will involve list-making, which I’m pretty good at. And probably most of all it will involve discipline. 
    Here’s to arranging my priorities, finishing what I begin, and the focus I need to do one thing at a time. One day at a time.
    All the best to everyone in 2019! And as always, thanks for listening!
                                                -—stay curious! (and focused!)

I just started reading Night of Miracles by Elizabeth Berg. It picks up where her last book (The Story of Arthur Truluv) left us. So far, I love it. More next time.



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         I'm a children's writer and poet intent on observing the world and nurturing those I find in my small space .

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