For the first time ever,
they didn’t feel bad
about feeling bad,
or sad,
or mad
or happy.
They were free to feel
all their own feelings in their own way.
from Moo Hoo
written by Audrey Perrott
illustrated by Ross Burach
Scholastic Press, 2024
I was not that young, maybe nine or ten, when I caught my mom crying. She was cross-wise on her neatly made-up bed, sobbing.
I had never heard Mom cry before. Surely something terrible was going on.
“Sometimes even moms get sad,” she admitted when she noticed me. She assured me that all was well. I think I believed her. Neither of us mentioned it, ever, until now. And that’s all I know. We never mentioned it again.
I never saw (or heard) her cry again, either.
According to the New York Times (11/14/24) though, “[c]rying is a quintessential human experience.” Crying is found on multiple continuums. Some of us cry a lot, some not so much. Some people cry easily, some only when profoundly moved. Some cry in sympathy with others, and some of us only cry when we’re alone. If you’re human, you cry.
We cry to express emotion, and scientists have verified what most of us know. Our emotions are complicated. No single area of our brain has been identified with a particular emotion, say sadness or anger or joy. And, as yet, scans have not verified what actually happens in our brains when we cry.
While crying is most often associated with sadness, Dr. Ad Vingerhoets, an emeritus professor of clinical psychology at Tilburg University in the Netherlands and one of the foremost experts in human crying, named helplessness “the core element of crying.” Adult crying, for any reason, probably points us back to our babyhood reason for tears, a call for help or support.
Reflexive tears protect our eyes from irritants like dust, strong odors like the gas released by a cut onion, and even bright sunshine. Basal tears keep our eyes lubricated. But emotional tears are physically different from the other types.
According to NeuroLaunch, founded in 2022 by a team of experts in neuroscience and psychology and "committed to accuracy, accessibility, inclusivity, curiosity, and integrity," it is our lacrimal glands, tucked in above each eye, that produce our emotional tears. Strong emotions trigger the gland to produce tears rich in proteins and hormones. They contain higher levels of stress hormones like cortisol and a natural painkiller, leucine enkephalin. Oxytocin is released during emotional crying. So are endorphins. These chemicals contribute to the cathartic feeling many of us experience after a good cry. It is our body’s way of naturally self-medicating.
All strong emotions are tear-triggers. The crying continuum that kicks in can be attributed to a complex interplay of individual personality traits, past experiences, and possibly a biological predisposition.
People who are more empathetic tend to cry more easily.
Cultural and societal differences also matter. In societies that place a high value on bravery, strength, and masculinity, like ours, crying is viewed negatively. It is seen as cowardice or weakness. Other cultures value open emotional displays as a sign of sincerity and trustworthiness. Crying shows a direct expression of the crier’s true feelings.
The researchers at NeuroLaunch tell us that when we see someone cry it often triggers compassion in us. These connections can help encourage community-building. Tears signal that all is not well with us. They help us bridge the gap between our feelings and our difficulty in expressing them. Tears are a form of nonverbal communication.
Even though crying is beneficial and everyone does it, in our culture it’s not always appropriate. Suppressing our tears while giving a speech, teaching a lesson, or meeting someone for the first time, for example, is usually desirable. Sometimes a deep breath or two can help.
If you seem to cry all the time or even most or a lot of the time, you can try journalling or meditation. Or, it may be time to seek professional guidance.
Crying is the result of strong emotion and it is not all negative.
Tears of joy are real, too. They help the crier deal with their feelings and they may encourage the witnesses to shed a few of their own, building a connection.
While research is still scant in the field of emotional crying, social and clinical psychologists are working with others in their fields of human behavior to discover whether crying helps children and adults develop a sense of morality, empathy, and ethics. Studies of depressive disorders, psychological trauma, and pathological grief are other areas they consider.
Science has come a long way since Charles Darwin deemed emotional tears a “purposeless phenomenon.”
Mom may not have cried again, but I suspect she did. I hope she felt better for it.
I’m reading A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy by Tia Levings (St. Martin’s Press, 2024). Although I’m only a little way in, I am beginning to understand how tightly the grip of Ms. Levings's religious teachings bound her. The enormous conflict within herself spurred her escape from her husband’s extremism. She needed to save her own life and her children’s, too.
Be curious! (and don’t deny yourself a good cry now and then)
they didn’t feel bad
about feeling bad,
or sad,
or mad
or happy.
They were free to feel
all their own feelings in their own way.
from Moo Hoo
written by Audrey Perrott
illustrated by Ross Burach
Scholastic Press, 2024
I was not that young, maybe nine or ten, when I caught my mom crying. She was cross-wise on her neatly made-up bed, sobbing.
I had never heard Mom cry before. Surely something terrible was going on.
“Sometimes even moms get sad,” she admitted when she noticed me. She assured me that all was well. I think I believed her. Neither of us mentioned it, ever, until now. And that’s all I know. We never mentioned it again.
I never saw (or heard) her cry again, either.
According to the New York Times (11/14/24) though, “[c]rying is a quintessential human experience.” Crying is found on multiple continuums. Some of us cry a lot, some not so much. Some people cry easily, some only when profoundly moved. Some cry in sympathy with others, and some of us only cry when we’re alone. If you’re human, you cry.
We cry to express emotion, and scientists have verified what most of us know. Our emotions are complicated. No single area of our brain has been identified with a particular emotion, say sadness or anger or joy. And, as yet, scans have not verified what actually happens in our brains when we cry.
While crying is most often associated with sadness, Dr. Ad Vingerhoets, an emeritus professor of clinical psychology at Tilburg University in the Netherlands and one of the foremost experts in human crying, named helplessness “the core element of crying.” Adult crying, for any reason, probably points us back to our babyhood reason for tears, a call for help or support.
Reflexive tears protect our eyes from irritants like dust, strong odors like the gas released by a cut onion, and even bright sunshine. Basal tears keep our eyes lubricated. But emotional tears are physically different from the other types.
According to NeuroLaunch, founded in 2022 by a team of experts in neuroscience and psychology and "committed to accuracy, accessibility, inclusivity, curiosity, and integrity," it is our lacrimal glands, tucked in above each eye, that produce our emotional tears. Strong emotions trigger the gland to produce tears rich in proteins and hormones. They contain higher levels of stress hormones like cortisol and a natural painkiller, leucine enkephalin. Oxytocin is released during emotional crying. So are endorphins. These chemicals contribute to the cathartic feeling many of us experience after a good cry. It is our body’s way of naturally self-medicating.
All strong emotions are tear-triggers. The crying continuum that kicks in can be attributed to a complex interplay of individual personality traits, past experiences, and possibly a biological predisposition.
People who are more empathetic tend to cry more easily.
Cultural and societal differences also matter. In societies that place a high value on bravery, strength, and masculinity, like ours, crying is viewed negatively. It is seen as cowardice or weakness. Other cultures value open emotional displays as a sign of sincerity and trustworthiness. Crying shows a direct expression of the crier’s true feelings.
The researchers at NeuroLaunch tell us that when we see someone cry it often triggers compassion in us. These connections can help encourage community-building. Tears signal that all is not well with us. They help us bridge the gap between our feelings and our difficulty in expressing them. Tears are a form of nonverbal communication.
Even though crying is beneficial and everyone does it, in our culture it’s not always appropriate. Suppressing our tears while giving a speech, teaching a lesson, or meeting someone for the first time, for example, is usually desirable. Sometimes a deep breath or two can help.
If you seem to cry all the time or even most or a lot of the time, you can try journalling or meditation. Or, it may be time to seek professional guidance.
Crying is the result of strong emotion and it is not all negative.
Tears of joy are real, too. They help the crier deal with their feelings and they may encourage the witnesses to shed a few of their own, building a connection.
While research is still scant in the field of emotional crying, social and clinical psychologists are working with others in their fields of human behavior to discover whether crying helps children and adults develop a sense of morality, empathy, and ethics. Studies of depressive disorders, psychological trauma, and pathological grief are other areas they consider.
Science has come a long way since Charles Darwin deemed emotional tears a “purposeless phenomenon.”
Mom may not have cried again, but I suspect she did. I hope she felt better for it.
I’m reading A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy by Tia Levings (St. Martin’s Press, 2024). Although I’m only a little way in, I am beginning to understand how tightly the grip of Ms. Levings's religious teachings bound her. The enormous conflict within herself spurred her escape from her husband’s extremism. She needed to save her own life and her children’s, too.
Be curious! (and don’t deny yourself a good cry now and then)
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